It will be 6 years this Sunday since my husband passed away. He went to the National Genealogical Society Conference in Cincinnati with me on the Monday before he died. He wanted me to start a blog and we would travel to various places that I would write about. I told him "only if it has to do with genealogy". He agreed. And we took off to our first conference.
He spent, maybe, a half hour at the conference with me and then he took off to the hills of Kentucky and southern Ohio. I was in my world at the conference and he was in his world playing "Dukes of Hazard" on the road on either side of the Ohio River. We came home with many plans to do this again.
He died a few days later. On May 13. It was Mother's Day. Now six years later it is May 13 and it is Mother's Day again. Full circle.
My life has changed so much in the last six years. I am my own person now. I am no one's wife. I am no one's daughter. I am me.
I have made the decision to sell my house and downsize one more time. I have to wonder why it took that six year cycle to make it happen. Everything just fell into place. There was a possible buyer and my home magically became ready to be sold.
I am looking forward to renting a villa with no maintenance. A smaller space to live in seems perfect to me now. More time for the things I want to do. Of course that means more time to devote to genealogy.
Since I became a widow on May 13, 2012, my life has changed so much and I have grown in so many ways I never imagined. The guilt is gone. Some of the fear is still there and will probably never completely go away. The love will always be there, but the tears have turned to memories.
I am so ready for this new season of my life.